some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
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Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
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I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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