would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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