She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
how does that bad decision feel?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
