You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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