you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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