the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
