you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
