I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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