I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
