Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
