Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
