Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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