I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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