OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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