So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
