woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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