Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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