I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Even my vagina gasped.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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