New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
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hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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