What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
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Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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