Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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