now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We left the knife in your bed.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
