I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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