last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
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he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
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I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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