I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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