honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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