i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
