garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We got so high we made milksteak
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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