i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
