guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
