ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
