She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
