He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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