me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
