I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize