You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
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