turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize