Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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