everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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