he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize