Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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