i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
