i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
