Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
