so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
