His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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