the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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