is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
