Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
