I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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