Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
