Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
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