the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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