I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
