we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts