oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
