that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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