$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
