My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
